No matter how many medications I take,
no matter what I do to try and keep myself busy,
It. Won't. Stop.
It's as if all of my thoughts are reverberating down my spine and exiting through my limbs. My right side has always been worse than my left. Sometimes it speeds up my typing, but now it's so bad it makes me cautious and aware of each key that I press, taking care to press the right ones as having to delete is more time consuming than usual.
The house is quiet.
All of the animals sleeping peacefully around me as my head spins and my eyes bulge from the energy and the whirring of the thoughts inside my brain. I feel like an hourglass, just waiting for the time when the sand empties and the shaking stops, living for that brief hiatus when it needs to be flipped -- for the moment that my head, my body, is at peace.
It can't come soon enough.
I feel the drugs working on my heart. I can't take anti-depressants as they have a reverse effect on me, so instead I use a low dose beta-blocker to slow my heart, slow my thoughts, and, eventually, stop the shaking.
But today it's no use.
I've been shaking for hours.
The headaches come and go, and worsen each time they return.
The worst part is, I don't even know what brought this on. It may be residual from the other day, it may be a different trigger entirely. Whatever it is, it has my body more worked up than I've been in almost a year. Times like these, the only thing I can really do is write.
I can relate to the aggravation of mild Parkinson's sufferers.
Fingers don't fail me now.
No comments:
Post a Comment