Things That Won't Get You Laid...A Rant

Maybe I'm overtired,
     Maybe it's these delicious drinks,
          But it's rant time.

1. Punching my best friend in the boob.
This is always a bad idea. Joking of this nature can only be had between excellent friends. Otherwise, you will get glared at and much, much worse if there is follow through.
2. Being a "Bro"
We all know what a Bro is. This is self-explanatory.
3. Being "that guy" in my MFA
A.K.A. being pretentious, existential, and an overall "better-than-you" grade A ass.
4. Living at home over the age of 25.
No one wants their parents to hear them get it on, and no one wants to hear their parents get it on in retaliation.
5. Forehead Tattoos
Just, no.
6. Tribal Tattoos
Unless you legitimately belong to a tribe or are a Samoan, this is not appropriate or acceptable.
7. No Boundaries/No Contract
If your love manual is "50 Shades of Grey" I will give you 50 ways to say no.
8. The Stink
If for any reason you are not daisy fresh and don't fess up before it's too late, any progress you had previously made is now null and void.
9. Cats in the Bedroom
I am a bona fide cat-lady, but cats are WAY too interested in what you're doing, and your claws should be the only ones involved.
10. Comparing Me to the Ex-Girlfriend
This is a sure fire way to kill any mood that you had brewing. Stay as far away from this topic as possible, then get farther. Just, keep running.