CrashCourse Naps and SugarPlum Dreams

     Groggily waking up from an unplanned nap while watching Crash Course on youtube, I find the majority of my day has escaped me. While this normally would be aggravating and leave me feeling slightly inadequate or like an incredibly lazy bum, waking up to a lit Christmas tree I decorated with my roommate while surrounded by two delightfully warm pooches and a fuzzy kitten gives me a sort of holiday buzz only the Grinch could understand.
     With this peaceful easy feeling a-brewing inside I figure, what better time to make my brother's Christmas ornaments? You see, he has a tree decorating party every year, and everyone must bring an ornament to decorate with. The top three prizes win things from random bowling trophies to bottles of rum. With my brother being a Buffalo cop and sarcastic son-of-a-bitch, what would be more perfect that to make him a new version of the 12 days of Christmas? (And yes, it works in song form. Please sing it.) Without further a-do, I present to you...

The Twelve Drugs of Christmas

On the First Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me, 

a Hit From an Aerosol Can,

On the Second Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,

Two Grams of Pot,

On the Third Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,

Three Urine Samples,
On the Fourth Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Four Half-Smoked Roaches,
On the Fifth Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Five Rolls on Ex,
On the Sixth Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Six Wild Mushrooms,
On the Seventh Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Seven Lines of Coke,
On the Eighth Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Eight Tabs of Acid,
On the Ninth Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Nine Rocks from Crack-Whores,
On the Tenth Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Ten Shards of Meth,
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Eleven Pills of Molly,
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my Dealer gave to me,
Twelve Scores of Heroine.

*Disclaimer: No real drugs were used in the making of this gag-ornament.