Throughout the World, There was Silence

I woke up yesterday and immediately noticed that the world had changed. It's the most indescribable feeling, but in your gut, in your heart, and in your head, you know. It's so rare that all three align. But here we are.

The world has been teeming, just sitting on the edge, waiting for that one spark to ignite the fire. And we have just brought it that one step closer to it all. You learn about World War 1&2 in history classes. You read books of tales from survivors. You hear your grandparents describe some of what they lived. But they never explain the feeling of that one day when you knew that your world was no longer going to be the same. 

This election has been by far the most ridiculous, mud-slinging, name calling, knock-down drag-out piece of reality TV we've ever had to watch. It should never have come down to this. When I woke up and saw the results, my heart broke. My heart broke for my boyfriend's kids, for my LGBTQ friends, for myself, and for my country. As my own father sang the praises of the new President-elect, I sobbed. 

Through all of the trials I have faced in my life--abuse, undiagnosed mental disorders, divorces ripping my families apart, I have never felt such grief and despair. It took me by surprise just how much it affected me. But here I am, still holding back tears as I sit in the waiting room of my doctor's office and watch the news broadcast his airplane getting washed and ready for take-off to meet with President Obama. 

I do all I can not to say his name. As if by not saying it, there is somehow still a chance the future can changed and all of this remembered as a narrow escape. As if saying it gives him power. He is he-who-must-not-be-named. 

I am frightened. Truly and properly frightened. But I will not sit back and meekly watch this takeover happen. I will stand up for and with all of those he has persecuted, and will not back down. Because his ideals and the world he wishes to create is not a world I want to live in. I want to live in a world where I am free to make choices about my own body. Where I have access to health care and mental health facilities. Where my friends of all color, creed, race, religion, sex, gender and everything in-between have the same rights and privileges as any white heterosexual male. 

Everyone on social media has been incredible; pouring out messages of love and support to one another. We are angry, oh yes we are angry. But we will not bully, as we have been bullied. We will not put down, as we have been put down. We will not use scare tactics or violence like it has been used against us. But we will stand together in love and pride and compassion to make this world what we deserve. 

Hello, Old Friend

I hate saying I suffer from anxiety. I hate thinking of myself as a sufferer of any sort. It makes me feel weak. Useless. Which I know I’m not. I know anxiety is there. It’s always there. Just because I don’t always feel it doesn’t mean it’s finally decided to leave me alone. Alone is usually where it finds me. 

It used to be that my heart would beat so fast it would make my brain start whirring and then the thoughts wouldn’t stop, couldn’t stop, and I’d end up in a state that I couldn’t control. Now my body knows what’s coming and instead of my heart being the culprit my brain does it all on its own. It’s as if every single thing I see and hear enters into my head and then gets stuck there and bounces around and the thoughts just keep collecting, so that even when I close my eyes the darkness morphs from one thing to another and I can’t concentrate on any single thing. There’s too many things stuck inside and my brain can’t hold any more and it’s more noise than a circus and a concert and a train combined and it hurts. My own brain turns on me and begins driving me mad.

This is anxiety peeking out from behind the corner of my eye and waving with a grin. Did you miss me? He looks like the Boogey man and I hate him. I try to hate him. His presence makes everything inside of me collapse. It’s almost a relief when he shows up, because I know that I can’t fight him anymore. I simply resign. I pack up my belongings and move out of his house inside of my brain, hoping I can vacation there again soon. 

Without Benefits cover revealed!

A little less than three months from now, Without Benefits will be showing up on doorsteps and in e-readers! But today we get a first look at the amazing cover, designed by Ashley at Cardboard Monet! Ashley even did a special photoshoot just for this cover. So check out the cover and make sure you scroll down to the giveaway below! 

Here's a bit about the book:

Emma will always be a New Yorker at heart, even though she has a perfect life in Seattle. She has a prestigious job fundraising for the Seattle Symphony, a handsome boyfriend who adores her, and a Belltown apartment with views of the Sound. It should be more than enough to keep her pain from not playing the piano, and her 9/11 nightmares, away.

But when her old college crush, Owen, comes back into her life, it’s more than just spending time with him that’s causing cracks in her picture-perfect life. As she steps back on stage, and back into the spotlight, her connection with Owen and his world, dredges up old memories that Emma worked hard to forget.

Emma’s past comes back to haunt her, forcing her to face the truth about more than just her fears of returning back to New York. As her once perfect life begins to burn down, Emma is forced to figure out what she really wants: her fundraiser and cocktail party-filled life with her boyfriend, or forging a new future with the one thing, and one person, she’s ever loved–even if it means returning to New York.

Without Benefits is a beautiful and moving exploration of modern relationships and family written in the vein of Taylor Jenkins Reid and Renee Carlino.

So here it is... 

The moment we've been waiting for...

          

Isn't it gorgeous? Pre-order your copy today!

As part of the cover reveal release Check out this link for your chance to win a signed & annotated copy of Without Benefits, a free reader’s report for your manuscript, or a fun pamper package!

About the author:

          
          Nicole Tone is a freelance editor, MFA student, traveller, pet collector, binge-watcher, and a self-
          proclaimed coffee snob. She lives in Buffalo, NY with her husband, three cats, and two very large dogs,
          but spends as much of her time in Seattle as possible. You can like her page on Facebook, @ her on
          Twitter, swoon over dream houses together on Pinterest, and add Without Benefits on Goodreads.